Becoming part of the solution

4 minute Listen / Read :

Human relationships, are rarely straightforward. They are intricate webs of emotions, needs, fears, and ego, often coexisting in varying degrees, therefore we should reconsider the meaning of love in these complex dynamics. Here we will  challenge our conventional understanding of love as an emotion or passion, and see it rather as a way of being, an interaction, and a complex dynamic. What we often label as “falling in love” is in  reality, “falling in need.”

Love transcends the boundaries of mere emotion and passion; instead, it is fundamentally a way of being. Love is described as a cooperative, low-entropy behaviour, encompassing caring, compassion, and a sense of other. Love, while capable of stirring emotions and passions, is not confined to them. Rather, it is a mode of existence and interaction that encourages unity, cooperation, and the creation of meaningful connections.

Many individuals who believe they are “falling in love” are, in truth, “falling in need.”  This is because romantic relationships are a terrain where individuals often seek out partners to fulfil their personal needs. These needs can encompass a wide spectrum, including emotional support, mother / father figure, validation, companionship, and even material security. Such relationships may, unfortunately, be driven more by the fear of being alone or unfulfilled rather than genuine love.

The consequence of falling in need is a temporary feeding of egos on both sides of the relationship. In such dynamics, individuals utilize their partners to satisfy their desires, temporarily alleviating their fears and ego-driven needs. This ego-centric aspect of relationships can mask itself as love, yet it lacks the selfless, cooperative nature that defines true love.

Considering these points, the more one understands and resolves their fears and ego, the higher the probability of finding a partner suitable for a lasting relationship. This is because the presence of fear and ego in your life leads you to be attracted to individuals who fulfil these particular needs. This phenomenon explains why many couples eventually separate once the initial wave of intense emotions and passion has diminished, exposing the underlying fear and ego-based aspects of their relationship.

It is essential to acknowledge that love is not entirely absent from relationships characterized by need. Relationships are usually a blend of love and need, with the proportion varying from one relationship to another. Healthy relationships find a delicate equilibrium, with caring, compassion, and cooperation forming their foundation.

This exploration serves as a reminder that love is not a monolithic concept but a multifaceted, ever-evolving way of relating to others. By recognising the interplay between love and need, we gain a more profound understanding of the dynamics that shape our relationships. Ultimately we should always consider a deeper exploration of love’s essence and its transformative potential in our lives.

Written by Stephen Griffin and ChatGPT