Becoming part of the solution

Spiritual growth is a profound journey of self-discovery, self-realisation, and inner transformation. As we have seen it involves facing one’s fears, understanding them, and ultimately transcending them to achieve higher levels of consciousness and well-being. However, this path can be seriously stunted when one’s partner is unwilling to confront and work on their own fears. These hidden fears can manifest themselves in subtle yet destructive ways, often leading to an unconscious need to control the other party in the relationship. Here we will explore how unaddressed fears can hinder one’s spiritual growth and how controlling behaviours, whether acknowledged or not, can obstruct the path to spiritual enlightenment.

Fears are often deeply ingrained in our psyche. They can arise from past traumas, childhood experiences, or even societal conditioning. These fears, however, are not always apparent to us or our partners. They may lurk in the subconscious, influencing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours without either party even realising it. When these hidden fears remain unexamined and unaddressed, they can become stumbling blocks on the path to spiritual growth.

In a romantic partnership, unaddressed fears can manifest in various ways, with one of the most common being the need to control the other party. This control can take many forms, from subtle manipulation to overt domination. Frequently, both individuals are not fully conscious of the underlying fears or the consequent behaviours, they will observe however the symptoms, regardless of how they manifest, often as negative emotions.

For instance, a partner may have an unresolved fear scarcity stemming from childhood experiences. To cope with this fear, they may exhibit controlling behaviours, such as monitoring the other person’s activities, demanding constant attention, or even isolating them from friends and family. On the surface, these actions may seem like expressions of love and concern, but in reality, they are rooted in fear.

The impact of such controlling behaviours on spiritual growth can be profound. For the person being controlled, the constant need to fulfil their partner’s needs, whether emotional, mental, or even material, can overshadow their spiritual practices. They may find it difficult to focus on meditation, self-reflection, or other spiritual activities when their energy is consumed by trying to navigate the demands and restrictions imposed by their partner.

Moreover, the person being controlled often finds themselves caught in a conflict of values and priorities. On one hand, they keenly understand the need to let go of the importance of material possessions as a part of their spiritual journey. They recognise that material wealth does not equate to spiritual fulfillment, and they aspire to detach themselves from the material world’s grip. However, on the other hand, they are deeply conflicted by their partner’s fear of scarcity, which is imposed upon them.

This internal struggle creates a complex emotional landscape, where they must grapple with the desire to honour their spiritual path while simultaneously feeling compelled to fulfil their partner’s material demands. It becomes a delicate balancing act between recognising the impermanence of material possessions and the genuine fear of scarcity that their partner experiences.

This ongoing struggle can create a spiritual stagnation, where personal growth becomes elusive. The person being controlled may feel trapped in a cycle of fear and compliance, unable to break free and fully engage in their spiritual journey. Their inner exploration may be hindered by the external turmoil created by the controlling partner.

To overcome this obstacle to spiritual growth, it is essential for both partners to embark on a journey of self-awareness and healing. The first step is acknowledging the existence of hidden fears and their impact on the relationship. This recognition can pave the way for open and honest communication, creating a safe space for both partners to explore their vulnerabilities.

Seeking support from therapists, counsellors, or spiritual guides can also be instrumental in addressing these fears. Through therapy, individuals can gain insights into the roots of their fears and learn healthy coping mechanisms that do not involve controlling behaviours.

Written by Stephen Griffin and ChatGPT