Becoming part of the solution

I suggest that we should all aim for a particular profound aspiration—to not feel the constant need to prove oneself to others or, perhaps more crucially, to feel the compulsion to prove oneself. This is an admirable ambition, albeit a challenging one to attain. It requires time, introspection, and a conscious shift in perspective. Here we explore  the detrimental aspects of constantly trying to prove oneself and the benefits of moving away from this behaviour. It emphasises that while it doesn’t mean we should cease striving for excellence, the need for validation should not be our driving force.

In many aspects of life, especially in a new job, the initial inclination is to prove oneself. This is a natural response to a novel environment and is considered normal. However, true wisdom comes when we no longer feel the need to prove anything because we have confidence in our abilities. For instance, a fresh employee might work diligently to prove their worth to their colleagues and superiors, but over time, this drive should evolve into a self-assured competence.

It’s essential to recognise that not needing to prove oneself does not imply a lack of effort or complacency. Instead, it signifies an inner assurance that you are giving your best and doing everything within your power to accomplish your objectives. This mindset shift occurs when you no longer seek external validation but rely on your own intrinsic motivation.

To break free from the need to prove oneself, one can begin by examining relationships with friends and family. If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to a friend, it might be time to re evaluate the nature of that friendship and your role within it. True friends should appreciate you for who you are, without requiring constant validation.

Similarly, reflecting on your relationship with your family is crucial. While there may be valid reasons to prove oneself in certain family dynamics, it’s essential to question why this need exists. Sometimes, it stems from others own fears, i.e. what will others think of my children, which can inadvertently fuel your fear of failure. This need to prove oneself often arises from the ego’s desire to live up to external expectations, and addressing it involves nurturing intentions rooted in unconditional love rather than fear.

In the world of work, especially in fields like sales, the adage “you are only as good as your last sale” often prevails. This leads many professionals to believe they must prove themselves daily, resulting in an exhausting way of life. A healthier approach is to acknowledge your competence and consistency over time. Recognise that your past successes are indicative of your capabilities, allowing you to approach each day with confidence.

Occasionally, when confidence wanes, we resort to trying to prove ourselves as a short-term motivation boost. While this can be effective temporarily, it doesn’t lead to long-term fulfilment. True fulfilment comes from self-assurance and a deep-seated belief in one’s abilities.

Ultimately, the need to prove oneself is rooted in the fear of failure, normally the failure to live up to someone’s else’s perceived expectations. The ego thrives on this fear and constantly reminds us of it. Breaking free from this fear takes time, self-awareness, and setting conscious intentions. By understanding the source of this compulsion, you can consciously work towards liberation from it.

Written by Stephen Griffin and ChatGPT